Monday, 30 March 2015

this little space of mine...

Hey guys,

So I've been doing alot of thinking recently about blogging and the like.

Firstly I've been thinking more about the "plus-size" stigma that seems to be doing the rounds and if I'm honest I don't want in, I'm fat and I am in no way proud of the fact, my weight has cost me alot in the past and who wants to be proud of that. And before the fat bashers start I am taking steps to loose weight and who knows once I've lost weight I may want to share outfit posts but until then my body is my own and I personally don't want to splash it around. I don't want people to think I don't like fat people i don't really care what other people look like but I do care about what I look like and how feel about my body.

I have been thinking of changing direction with my blog to more lifestyle based but i feel like no one values my opinions on that sort of thing, and I doubt the world needs another weight lose blog especially one from myself who is a profound  pessimist.

Basically I've decided to take a semi permanent break from blogging for the time being
I want to thank those who have been supportive but for now I'm going to wait for a time when I feel people want to read about what I have to say.

Thank you.

Sunday, 15 February 2015

Too depressed to blog

Hi guys
can't see this being a long post but I wanted to apologise for my absence. 
Recently I have been struggling more than ever with depression and anxiety and have found myself in a very dark place. To be honest I have wanted to blog and also do more on my YouTube channel but I can't bring my self round to do anything I feel like my creative flare has gone out. I have no energy or will left to be able to get the thoughts that are worth sharing down to share with you guys. I hate it cause my brain is definitely not a quiet place at the moment but I feel it's too manic and dull of self loathing I can't handle it. 
Fingers crossed that I'll pull round but I couldn't say when that could be. 
So I hope you can be patient with me and 
Hope you understand it's not I don't want to blog, I just can't get my head in the game. 
Thanks for reading this. 
Tash

Tuesday, 27 January 2015

Cool Blades

Hey Peeps

So if your anything like me you'll know the struggle of trying to find a haircut that suit your face shape.
I have been thinking I'd quite like a fringe but I received an email asking me to check out a new site which has definitely made me change my mind. This is a pretty nifty site that will help you pick a hairstyle for your face shape whether that's square, round, oval, this site gives you a guideline on how to work out what face shape you are and what you should be going for.
www.coolblades.co.uk/hub/face-shape/
Based on this I'm either diamond or square shaped, which are very similar in the styles and have confirmed to me I should steer clear of a fringe. The site also gives some make-up tips mainly where to contour which is pretty useful too, especially if you are a contour novice and are just starting out with contouring.
Over all a really helpful page and worth checking out. No I'm not being paid to say anything about the site I just thought it was a nifty little page I would share with you all if you are interested you can visit the site by clicking on the link.

Tash

 

Wednesday, 31 December 2014

the end of year post...

Hey Peeps

So yes its that time when everyone is scribbling list of new ways they can become better versions of themselves in the new year.
Yes I'm fully aware that the new year is often used as an excuse to wipe the slate of life clear and start all over again, and yes I am on of those people who will indeed be trying to better oneself in 2015. I don't necessarily want to change a great deal about myself, on the inside, but if I'm honest the outside needs a fuck tonne of work doing to it. I know we're meant to love our selves and our bodies but bugger me it's hard to love some thing as diabolically disgusting as my unruly waist line. over the last year I think I've pretty much eaten my self in to a corner of self loathing and hate rid for my body which has definitely had an impact on my mental health. So as far as 2015 is concerned my main goal is to kick my ass into a substantially and more like ably smaller box.  
Happy new year guys here's to failed goals and repeat mistakes and cake! Lots of cake!!

Monday, 24 November 2014

Nomming.... Ben & Jerry's Minter Wonderland

No this is not a beauty related post. I'm not about to tell you the beauty benefits of Ice cream which I have no idea if there are any.
image courtesy of 1treat.blogspot.co.uk 
I have to admit I do have a soft spot for the odd tub of b&j I usually go for cookie dough. Currently in Morrison's they have a special offer of half price on Ben & Jerry's and in amongst the usual flavours I spotted this one. I'm not usually a fan of mint ice cream I used to love mint choc chip ice cream but haven't had it for years.
image courtesy of 1treat.blogspot.co.uk I ate all mine before I could think about photographing it lol
Ok so this is exactly what it says on the tim mint ice cream with chocolately chunks. Ben & Jerry's always has really nice flavours and this one is no different, it's not too minty it's peppermint which never really is. It's is like tucking into a box of after eights. I couldn't tell if the chocolate was also minty but it was really tasty it doesn't say anywhere wether its dark or milk but I'm pretty sure it was milk chocolate.

I love Ben & Jerry's Ice cream and this one is back for the festive period so I can see myself grabbing a few more before the festive period is over cause it is delicious and fair trade so not all bad.

Hope you liked this post I know its a little different to what I usually upload but you know I fancied a change. Leave a comment below letting me know your thoughts and suggestions.

Tash xx

Saturday, 15 November 2014

Depression and Anxiety...



I've been debating writing a post like this for a while, you may have read a post a while ago, it has now been deleted relating to this subject. I deleted it as it was too personal and found that it was actually rather upsetting to some very important people to me. Due to the increasing awareness around this topic I thought I would readdress the subject, hopefully in a less crude manner, (however crude may as well be my middle name, I'm not one for sugar coating, unless of course its edible).

So where to begin, ok well, I have suffered with depression for over 20 years. I say over 20 years as I'm pretty certain that even prior to the obvious triggers, I displayed signs of depression that and the fact that I was bullied for years before. Anyway lets just say that for a long time now I have been dealing with depression, which I have to be honest I have not dealt with very well over the years but as they say you learn from your mistakes. As well as depression I've also been coping with anxiety for probably just as long, both stress anxiety and social anxiety. This has made coping with everyday life difficult and sometimes less than enjoyable. I have missed out on many opportunities because of my illness, had disturbing thought of killing myself and harming both my self and others, I have pushed people away out of fear and I have harmed myself and still feel the need to harm myself. I have erratic mood swings and emotional outbursts. 
I'm aware that I'm not cured as this is an illness with no "cure", but I feel I have learnt to manage and recognise my triggers, I know what upsets me and although I still try to avoid putting my self in the situations that are triggers I do put my self in them to try and better deal with them and understand that the world is actually not as scary as it is in my head. And you know what it really isn't that's the problem. The world is a very ordinary place supposedly still doesn't make it scary lots of things we're scared of are the dark, dogs, snakes, fish, flying  but we still do.

Ok so why the decision for this post I've seen posts helping people cope with mental illness and as much as I am not wanting to give anyone advice more than a what not to do. I also want people to know that not coping well with an illness is just bad. Unfortunately for my self I dislike talking about my issues and feelings to medical professionals and I have tried getting help from my doctor and have seen therapists but I find them to have been patronising and antagonise my stress points so I gave up on those a long time ago I find doctors more supportive with infections and the like rather than anything they cant see. I'm not saying that you shouldn't go to the doctors about this sort of thing infact the opposite i'm saying you should and hopefully you wont discover that you have anger management issues the hard way. See a specialist, fight to see a specialist don't find your self at 30 something still struggling to cope with a basically horribly underrated illness.

I want to share with you some of the things I wished I'd done sooner.
1. Spoken to someone, wether it was a friend, teacher, or even a doctor when I 1st started having depressing thoughts.

2. Researched or had the resources too (yes when I was young the internet was very limited).

3. There are plenty of charities out there that specialise in mental illness and mental health that you can approach anonymously if you need, that are there to help, people like mind, sane, samaritans, childline (if your young like I was).

4. Know that you are NOT alone I know that the symptoms of depression are a feeling of isolation but there are hundreds if not millions who have some form of mental health problems apparently 1 in 4 people either suffer or know someone who suffers from mental health issues. I do feel that that statistic may be slightly out of date as I'm certain at some point in all our lives we have had or will have some form of mental health issue, due to the increasing stresses that are imposed on us in everyday life.


aware
5. If you do decide to go it alone, I know sometimes the thought of interacting with other people can be daunting, but there are to put it mildly a fuck tonne of "self help" options out there, from books, apps, websites, teas, candles. I sometimes find that even just going to my room and putting my favourite songs on or watching  my favourite videos.

 I hope if you read this have any issues surrounding depression or mental health you found it helpful please feel free to leave me a comment with your thoughts or email me directly my emails available on the about me page. And remember your not alone in being alone.

xx

Saturday, 8 November 2014

About Me Tag!!

Hello,

For this weeks post I thought I'd do a tag to give you the chance to get to know me a bit better as I'm not entirely sure I've ever done anything like this before so I hope you like this, please leave me a comment if you would like me to do any other tag posts or to let me know what you would like to see. Enjoy...
Vital Statistics:
Me: Natasha
Nicknames: Tash, Tasha, Prew, Prewbear
Birthday: 26th February 1984 (I'm so old!)
Place of Birth: Ashton Under Lyne, Greater Manchester
Zodiac Sign: Picies
Male or Female: Female
Occupation: Client Services Representative
Residence: West Yorkshire
Screen Name: Tashprew

Appearance:
Hair Colour: Brown
Hair Length: Long
Eye colour: Hazel
Best Feature: Eyes
Height: 6ft
Braces?: Never.
Glasses?: Yep
Piercing: Yes, I've had my ears pierced 5 times, now I just wear 16mm plugs in my bottom hole (of my ear) but I'm tempted to stretch my second holes back up to either 5 or 6mm, I also have my tragus and rook (is it the bit inside my ear at the back, fk knows), my septum, labret and that's about it.
Tattoos: I have 3, a tache on my finger, dragon on my wrist and batman symbol on my neck
Righty or Lefty: Lefty

Your 'Firsts':
First best friend: My first real best friend was Kerri Smith at High School
First Award: Genuinely thinking about it I cant remember ever winning anything…How sad is that!
First Sport You Joined: I used to go to tap and ballet when I was a kid but I was a proper chunk so it didn't last long :(
First Real Vacation: France… I think.
First Concert: I don't think I've ever been to a proper concert but my first festival was Creamfields 2009.
First Love: My first real love I would have to say is John, apparently I do everything 10 years late as I met John at 25

Favourites:
Movie: Black Christmas and Frozen
TV Show: any thing crime solving related like N.C.I.S, Murdoch mysteries, Rizolli and Isles
Colours: oxblood
Song: "Sexy and I know it" LMFAO and "Shake it off" Taylor Swift
Candy: Um… I don't really have a favourite I tend to just eat any.
Restaurant: I don't eat out that much I'm not a fan of public eating places
Store: Primark I guess
School: I wasn't a fan of school I preferred college if anything
Book: The Crossed, not technically a book more a graphic novel, but I'm not a big fan of reading.
Magazine: Glamour, although don't ask me when the last time I got one was.
Shoes: Anything flat and comfy

Currently:
Feeling: been feeling rather depressed and anxious a lot recently
Single or Taken: Taken
Eating: just eat burger, curly fries and cheesy jalepino bites.
Typing: This
Online: actually as I write this no, I tend to write my posts in textedit then upload them once I've done.
Listening To: John playing destiny, 
Thinking About: The answer to these questions.
Wanting: My back to stop hurting :(
Watching: John play destiny
Wearing: Leggings and a jumper

Future:
Want Children?: Big fat no to that one!
Want to be Married: Someday maybe but I'm happily in a common marriage.
Careers in Mind: Probably customer services
Where do you want to live?: a detached house in a nice suburbia area.

Have you ever:
Kissed a Stranger: Definitely Yes.
Had Alcohol: Yep, and lots of it, but I rarely dink now.
Smoked: Yes, I smoked for about 14 years but swapped over to an e-cig in july 2014.
Ran Away From Home: No, I've stormed off from home a few times though.
Broken a bone: Yes, my wrist and my foot.
Got an X-ray: Yes lots 
Broken Someone's Heart: Doubtful.
Broke Up With Someone: No
Cried When Someone Died: Yes
Cried At School: Yes

Do You Believe In:
God: No
Miracles: No
Love At First sight: Yes, John is my shining example of Love at first sight.
Ghosts: Yes
Aliens: Maybe
Soul Mates: Yes
Heaven: Yes
Hell: Yes
Kissing on The First Date: Yes and whenever the moment takes you!
Yourself: A lot less than I should.

Tash xx