Monday, 21 April 2014

Depression and anxiety: my story.

So for as long as I can remember I've been struggling with depression and anxiety, mainly social anxiety. It's incredibly hard to live with any form of mental illness and I have to say that it's an uphill struggle pretty much everyday, some days are better than others. I've been living with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember even when I was little I was never really a happy kid I was bullied at school and didn't have a lot of friends outside of school and was very awkward socially, and I still am. Depression has been a huge struggle in my life and for a long time I never really understood or admitted I had a problem, I didn't really know how to deal with it. When I was ten my dad died and I feel like it was a major low in my life I felt like my world had ended and it hit me really hard I literally wanted the world to end I didn't know how to deal with it, it was like loosing my world as I knew it and I didn't want to carry on. It was a time when I felt incredibly fragile. It took me the longest time to get over such a huge loss. I found my comfort in food and slowly developed a problem using food as my crutch which has meant I've had major weight issues that I'm still battling through. At around 16-17 I went through a really bad stage and it was around this time I started self harming, I would cut my self to try and feel something anything I felt empty inside. This is also the point when is say my binge eating was a huge problem, I was comfort eating and it wasn't pretty I would eat fish fingers straight from the freezer, I would eat from the kitchen bin it was a very low point when I literally couldn't control what I was eating. it was around this time I went to counciling and saw a therapist. I don't think it really helped me that much as I knew why I felt the way I did but I didn't know how to cope with it. I was put on antidepressants and that worked for a while. I found a lot of comfort around that time in alcohol and was drinking and going out pretty much every night, I drank more to forget and to be free from the darkness inside me. Unfortunately there's no hiding from it slowly I started to spiral back in down in to depression, FAST! In 2010 I had a mental breakdown and couldn't handle my life and the world I was living in. I became a recluse and refused to leave the house and developed huge anxiety when I was out of the house I would say I felt a little agoraphobic and I didn't was to socialise. I would make excuses to not go out and not to see people, I'd say the only time I went out I would drink to try and make myself feel less uncomfortable. I've always been socially awkward as I mentioned at the beginning of this post and that's kinda made it hard for me in social situations I'm very  immature and childish. I've not had a lot of interaction with people out side my select group of friends so a lot of people don't understand me or know how to take me,I feel like when I'm around people I have to put on a show and be a bubbly face for people to like me. sometimes it's really hard to be the "Prew" people expect, I don't always know how to be the "Prew" I'm meant to be. 
I don't like social situations or places I hate going out and being in crowded or loud places and it gives me panic attacks, I have emotional breakdowns and freak out its a horrible experience, I'm still on anti depressants but I'd say they combat the depression but not really the anxiety side of things as much as I would like but I'm getting there, I still have yet to get my binge eating under control but at least I don't eat from bins and i don't eat frozen unless it's ice cream.
I'm not writing this post for sympathy but to try and shed some light on me as a person and what it's like dealing with depression and anxiety on a daily basis.  

Saturday, 15 February 2014

whats in my bag video

Hey-ho peeps,


So I've finally got a new video up on my channel. Yay!!


Toodles

xx






Wednesday, 8 January 2014

Get Ready with Me...

Hey-ho Peeps,

I decided to post a little get ready with me video to my YouTube, I went with an everyday look that I've been loving wearing recently and I hope that you enjoy it and it would make my day if you would subscribe to my channel for more videos from me. I'm hoping to post videos at least once a week to begin with til I get used to everything like editing, so yea click on the link below and feel free to leave me  a comment on what you guys would like to see from me in the future.

http://youtu.be/acaK0kGMCHc
Get ready with me


Toodles
xx



Thursday, 2 January 2014

Happy New Year!!

Hey-ho Peeps.

Well as if we haven't all noticed it's now 2014, I literally have no idea where the last 12 months have gone it seems to have just flown by.

So to celebrate the ending of 2013 I thought I would film my 2013 favourites for you guys.


2013 Favourites

Hope you enjoy 

Toodles

xx




Saturday, 14 December 2013

Prews views: mini reviews

This weeks item: NYC  Applelicious glossy lip balm, 351, caramel apple.

Hey-ho peeps,
So I've decided to do a series of short posts giving you my views on some items so if you have any suggestions please leave them down below.

So this week it is the turn of NYCs Applelicious glossy lip balm, I have to start off by just saying I am not a fan off glosses. Also the main reason I bought this item is the fact it smells like apples and I'm a bit of a sucker for Apple scents and this has that. 

Ok so to get on with it this is a really nice product it gives my lips a glossy sheen with all the benefits of a lip balm it has a balmy core in the shape of a apple which is super cute and then a outer layer of tinted gloss. 

I really like this product it's really moisturising and not sticky bit tacky but I like it. Yea not much more I can really say about it other than I now really feel the need to get some firebrand whiskey.

Toodles
Xx

Thursday, 5 December 2013

Sunshine Award

Hey-Ho Peeps,

So recently I was nominated my the beautiful Abbie Tanner of Kittens in top hats for the Sunshine award. Abbie has such an amazing blog you should defo go check it out.



The Rules of the Sunshine Award:
Post 11 facts about yourself.
Answer the 11 questions set by the blogger who nominated you.
Nominate 11 bloggers.
Write 11 questions for the bloggers you nominate to answer.
And don't forget to let the person who nominated you know when you have written up your post!!


11 Facts about me
1. I am 6 ft tall.
2. My favorite food is peanut butter ice cream and short bread.
3. I very rarely drink alcohol.
4. I am the eldest of 5.
5. Button moon makes me cry as it always reminds me of my dad.
6. I lost my dad when I was 10 and miss him everyday.
7. I used to have a phobia of fish. sometimes prawns still make me cry.
8. I suffer from anxiety and depression ( yay!)
9. I love watching horror movies
10.  I have size 9 feet.
11. I wish I was thinner!!

Abbie's Questions
  • How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
  • I'd say it takes me about 30-40 minutes to get ready on average on a morning

  • What is your idea of a perfect night in?
  • Curled up with a tub of ice watching TV with my Boys 

  • Favourite make up product at the moment?
  • I think it would have to be my collection lasting perfection foundation, I love the coverage and finish.

  • How long have you been blogging?
  • I've had my blog for just over a year and have been blogging on and off for bout a year.

  • And what inspired you to start your blog?
  • I wanted to share my opinions on items and become part of the plus sized blogger community.
     
  • Do you prefer dark lips or a smokey eye?
  • Dark Lips

  • Do you prefer summer or winter?
  • Winter

  • What film could you watch over and over again?
  • Texas chainsaw Massacre
     
  • What job did you want to do when you were younger?
  • I wanted to be a actress when I was younger.

  • What's your favourite flavour pringles?
  • Paprika

  • Find the nearest book/magazine, go to page 27 and write down the 4th sentence.
  • a tangey gel to get you going in the morning- inspired by Mexican fruit punch.

    My Questions
    1. favorite day of the week?
    2. Dream Job?
    3. If santa could bring you just one present what would it be?
    4. Favorite high-end product?
    5. favorite Drugstore product?
    6. Favorite place to spend your time?
    7. If you could be a character from your favorite book/film/tv show who would you be and why?
    8. Heels or flats?
    9. What made you want to start blogging?
    10. Best blogger moment?
    11. If you could go anywhere in time or space where would you go?

    My Nominees



    I'd just like to again thank Abbie for nominating me, I hope you enjoyed this post and thanks for taking the time out.

    Toodles

    XX








    Wednesday, 27 November 2013

    Giveaway!!! CLOSED!!

    Hey-ho Peeps,

    So I've given this alot of thought and I've decided that even though I don't have alot of followers I want to give something back to you guys so... I'm going to hold a little giveaway for you guys, the prize will be this beautiful deer head necklace, I've gotten so many complements about this item and I love it so...you guys have the chance to nab one for yourself.


    So to be in with a chance to win this necklace (I may possibly add some other bits) all you need to do is leave me a comment down below. I'll pick a winner at random, I'll leave it running til lets say 3 weeks from the date of this post you can comment as many times as you like but will only be entered once.
    Also you can follow this blog to see more from me I'm hoping to get at least one post up a week from now on.
    Good Luck

    Toodles
    xx